A colleague asked me a few days ago if I suffer from imposter syndrome.
One of my favorite authors is Piers Anthony. He writes epilogues in his books about how he's conquered writer's block.
I read his books when I was a kid, and that has always stuck with me. How did he do it? Because I think writer's block, creative block, and imposter syndrome go hand in hand.
My answer was YES, I have suffered from it, but I've also learned to use it to my benefit.
When I began creating 3D art, it was for projects at work. Only projects at work. I would try to create my own art, but I would get frustrated with the process and give up. I had taken David Ariew's School of Motion bootcamp, "Lights, Camera, Render," which teaches us how to build big 3D scenes. Start with the substrate, then build on it. Simple, right? But I would get so caught up in building the ground or roads that I gave up before I could even put one structure on it.
KitBash3D, the creators of one of the largest catalogs of 3D building models, had a contest to build a world using a model bundle they were selling. I was too intimidated to even try, but they had a handful of tutorials on how to get started.
I watched one for Unreal Engine. The presenter just started grabbing buildings and didn't even care what the ground was because he didn't need to, at first. He added it in later.
Sometimes, we just need someone to give us permission to break the rules.
It was like a switch flipped in my head.
I scanned KitBash3D's Cargo catalog, found a theme I liked, and looked for the most unique building. It was City in the Sky, and the model was the observatory.
I brought it into Cinema 4D and walked around it like a video game. A story began to take shape in my head. What if people were sitting in the center, eating a meal, watching the other ships?
I felt possessed. I was grabbing other assets and building out my scene.
Air City - Cinema4D, Redshift and Kitbash3D. Characters from Water Village by BigMediumSmall
I gave myself a deadline. Compose a scene in one hour. Then take seven more hours to polish it up, and at the end of eight hours, publish. No matter how bad it was.
A thought occurred to me.
Maybe I don't think linearly. Maybe I create in many directions at once. Maybe I'm coming into a story that has already begun. Maybe that's how my brain works.
Suddenly, the world seemed endless and my options infinite.
To make sure it wasn't a fluke, I made another scene. Completely different, but the same concept. One hour to create, seven hours to polish.
Then another. And another.
Maybe it's not a fluke. Maybe I've found a solution to creative block.
The side effect was that my confidence improved and my self-esteem grew. I felt a sense of strength and empowerment.
Years of curating assets and textures, tutorials, and training had finally come together. New projects made me excited instead of filling me with paralyzing fear.
Did it really take me all these years to find out who I am as an artist?
I didn't eliminate imposter syndrome. I just stopped letting it decide whether I was an artist.
Now, I have a voice. I have a style. I still look back at those pieces and fall in love again.
That's art.
That's how you quiet that little voice that says you can't and listen to the muse that sings, "Yes, you can."
Clear Skies.